Student teaching will not be a walk in the park. I’ll just get that out there right now. Between the two big papers required by the School of Ed here at Northwest, the classes I have to take for the next 5 weeks and prepping for teaching, there is a LOT of work to do. And it’s not just busy work…it requires actual thought, intentionality, focus. Oh, and time. Lots of time is required of me.
After just 4 days of class at Northwest and 3 days of classroom set up and meetings at my “cooperating school” (with no students), I was ready to throw the towel in. We had been inundated with emails telling us that this was due here and that was due then. I was overwhelmed. Over.Whelmed.
I felt about like this girl:
Walking home from class that afternoon, all I could hear was “I can’t do this. I can’t do this. There is NO way I could do this. What on earth ever made me think I could do this?”
My next thought: “But God is with me and will give me the strength that I certainly don’t have. And everyone else thinks I can do it – and they’re praying for me.”
Then negativity rushed in, saying “Obviously, you’re faking it. They only THINK you can do it. You’ve got them all fooled. Sheesh.”
I felt like I’d fallen on my face and then got kicked.
And then it dawned on me. This voice of doubt, defeat and despair came straight from the Enemy. So I prayed. And thought.
I wanted to quit. The temptation was so sweet – going home? Being done with this crazy workload? What could be better? But when I thought about going home – really thought about leaving all the work I’d done here behind, I couldn’t stomach it. Four years…wasted. A large sum of money…wasted. There was no peace like a river in my soul.
Then, I thought about what I had to loose (besides time and money) by not completing my degree. Sure, pride is involved, but you know what got me at the heart? The job I hope to get eventually. If I don’t get this degree, I don’t have a chance at getting a job tutoring eating disorder patients while they’re in treatment. I’m not saying that God is limited in the beauty He can create from my dust, but still…without the degree, I wouldn’t be able to get the job.
So I rolled up my sleeves. Talked to God. Called my mom. Called my boyfriend. And took a deep breath. And until December 7th when I walk to the front of the chapel as my name is called to recognize my accomplishments at Northwest, I’ll continue rolling up my sleeves, talking to God, calling my mom, calling my boyfriend and taking deep breaths.
That will be my armor to keep Satan from kicking me when I’m down.
Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.