He Kicks you When You’re Down

Student teaching will not be a walk in the park.  I’ll just get that out there right now.  Between the two big papers required by the School of Ed here at Northwest, the classes I have to take for the next 5 weeks and prepping for teaching, there is a LOT of work to do.  And it’s not just busy work…it requires actual thought, intentionality, focus.  Oh, and time.  Lots of time is required of me.

After just 4 days of class at Northwest and 3 days of classroom set up and meetings at my “cooperating school” (with no students), I was ready to throw the towel in.  We had been inundated with emails telling us that this was due here and that was due then.  I was overwhelmed.  Over.Whelmed.

I felt about like this girl:

Walking home from class that afternoon, all I could hear was “I can’t do this.  I can’t do this.  There is NO way I could do this.  What on earth ever made me think I could do this?”

My next thought: “But God is with me and will give me the strength that I certainly don’t have.  And everyone else thinks I can do it – and they’re praying for me.”

Then negativity rushed in, saying “Obviously, you’re faking it.  They only THINK you can do it.  You’ve got them all fooled.  Sheesh.”

I felt like I’d fallen on my face and then got kicked.

And then it dawned on me.  This voice of doubt, defeat and despair came straight from the Enemy.  So I prayed.  And thought.

I wanted to quit.  The temptation was so sweet – going home?  Being done with this crazy workload?  What could be better?  But when I thought about going home – really thought about leaving all the work I’d done here behind, I couldn’t stomach it.  Four years…wasted.  A large sum of money…wasted.  There was no peace like a river in my soul.

Then, I thought about what I had to loose (besides time and money) by not completing my degree.  Sure, pride is involved, but you know what got me at the heart?  The job I hope to get eventually.  If I don’t get this degree, I don’t have a chance at getting a job tutoring eating disorder patients while they’re in treatment.  I’m not saying that God is limited in the beauty He can create from my dust, but still…without the degree, I wouldn’t be able to get the job.

So I rolled up my sleeves.  Talked to God.  Called my mom.  Called my boyfriend.  And took a deep breath.  And until December 7th when I walk to the front of the chapel as my name is called to recognize my accomplishments at Northwest, I’ll continue rolling up my sleeves, talking to God, calling my mom, calling my boyfriend and taking deep breaths.

That will be my armor to keep Satan from kicking me when I’m down.

Put on the full armor of God, so that you can take your stand against the devil’s schemes. For our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

Ephesians 6:11-12

Blessings,

Beth

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12 thoughts on “He Kicks you When You’re Down

  1. Breath sweet cousin! Your passion for this calling is real God breathed passion! Will this be easy? Probably NOT! But the pain to get to the other side makes the other side that much more beautiful. I believe in you and with God All things are possible. Hugs and will be praying!

  2. With God nothing is impossible. You are an amazing young woman, so sensitive to seek God’s calling and live for Him in all you do. Remember that you are doing this unto the Lord, not just for yourself or for me. Keep praying, keep calling and we will do the same. (You might call and talk to your dad sometimes too! lol) Love you soooo much, Mom ❤

  3. Hey lovely lady,

    Just working the overnight shift as an RN and decided.. “I think Ill stop in and see how Beth is doing.” Sure enough…. I got that sweet email alerting me that you have once again written a blog! This one brought me back to Nursing school. Yes, it sure did… with clinicals, exams with a standard every day of class, over 200 pages of text to read everynight while being expected to be awake at the hospital the next day… much less keep my patients alive. Yes, the sweet days of struggle. And sweet they are. I think you more than most people realize that the growth that takes place when you struggle and struggle and grind and grind and it still doesnt feel good.. But God will always be good.. even through the pain. I will start praying for you more and know that although your physical self might be exhausted and tried on a day to day basis as a teach, your spirit will continue to rise. Dig deep in Him. Miss you lovely.. you are almost done.

  4. To my most favorite Beth, just wanted to let you know that you’ve got this. I’m so proud of you for perservering, even when it get unbearable. Always remember that our God is stronger than any doubt, fear, or stress, and remember that you are not alone or weak for these struggles. We have have them in some shape or form. I know fear is something I struggle with every day, but I know Christ is greater. When those things start to beat you down, just look back on how far you’ve come, give praise to our Lord for all He has done and will do, sing silly songs out loud. People may think you’re crazy, but heck, maybe it’ll bring a smile to their face so it’ll be worth it. Okay, I’ll stop my ramble my now…sorry if it doesn’t make any sense 😉 Love you, lady

    • Oh Manda! Thank you for your sweet sweet encouragement. When Veggie Tales taught us that God is bigger than the Boogie Man, they were definitely prepping us for life – God is bigger than any of our struggles. Ramble any time – I like it! Love you too!

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