Throughout the course of the day, I’ve had three songs stuck in my head. One of them is “Slow Fade” by Casting Crowns.
Today, Ron came up to have lunch with me at work. Towards the end of my break, I mentioned that I’d been noticing myself choosing lower calorie items when there was an option. And Ron had just began to notice also. It’s been nothing drastic, but my recent plateau in weight gain might indicate that I need to bump it up.
This definitely bothered me. I’m so badly want to keep climbing this mountain of recovery…I don’t want to slowly slide back down. Shortly after my conversation with Ron about this, the Casting Crowns song came to mind. It fits perfectly.
The chorus says,
It’s a slow fade when you give yourself away
It’s a slow fade when black and white have turned to gray
Thoughts invade, choices are made, a price will be paid
When you give yourself away
People never crumble in a day
It’s a slow fade, it’s a slow fade
This Slow Fade, while not unique to eating disorders, fits so perfectly right now. When I begin to let ED back in, even on a subconscious level, destruction begins. What once was black and white – foods that provide enough nutrition vs foods that don’t – becomes gray.
Sure, you can have that lower-calorie yogurt. What’s wrong with that salad? You don’t need that much of a snack.
Those thoughts come in which lead to a choice. The choice always leads to a consequence of some sort. And the point the song makes is spot on – ED never comes back in and demolishes the walls of recovery in a day. He begins chipping away, little by little, until enough has crumbled away that he can get in and get to work.
It’s so easy to backslide. Often, we don’t even notice how far we’ve fallen until we’re sitting there looking at where we used to be, wondering how we got way down here.
It’s a slow fade. A fade that ED delights in, to the detriment of my health and well being, not to mention relationships, focus and school.
Slow fades occur in all areas of life. From finances to stress management, nothing is exempt. And I think one really great way to avoid this slow fade is to avoid the things that trigger the issues. Because:
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life.