We all know that ED is a jerk. I mean, there’s no question. But sometimes, he’s not just a jerk, he’s downright mean. Nasty. Firing his darts where they’ll hurt the most. Oh, and if you’re already feeling upset or nervous about something, you know what ED does? He zeros in on that spot and sends a barrage of his meanest, nastiest darts.
See, I told you he’s mean.
Gaining weight isn’t easy. Aside from just physically eating more, there’s all kinds of emotions that go along with it. Anxiety is a significant one that I deal with.
When anxiety was great within me,
your consolation brought me joy.
Worry piles atop worry, and sometimes, the weight is just enormous (no pun intended). For me, it usually ends up with a tummy ache and me feeling just…blah. I think and think and think about whatever the flavor-of-the-day is, and then ED fires a new dart, adding some other worry to my already worried mind. It’s like a snowball. Or a ripple. Basically, picture anything that builds upon itself and you’ll get the drift.
Today, I’m worried about clothes. Specifically, how they fit and how they will fit in the weeks to come. Since returning from San Diego, if I’m not wearing my lovely KOA work shirt, I’m most likely wearing a sweatshirt. They’re loose and comfy – and warm. And they’re all I’ve wanted to wear because I don’t really have to worry when I wear them.
And I’m afraid to try much else.
You know what ED said to me yesterday? He said “So, what are you gonna do if you wear a nice outfit on Sunday, and then you try to wear the same one the next week and it doesn’t fit?” My stomach clenched and I got scared. And I haven’t been able to shake the worry.
But I know it’s ED – my mom reminded me – and I know he’s a liar. His aim is to discourage me as best as possible.
Guess what. I don’t have to fight ED alone. Not only do I have a wonderful support system who prays for me and encourages me, I have a Heavenly Father who comes to rescue me when I call out (Psalm 18:8-15). And he sympathizes and understands whatever I’m dealing with (Hebrews 4:15-16). I can feel the anxiety melting a bit already.
Let me leave you with this:
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.”
1 Peter 5:7
All of your anxiety. All of my anxiety.