Part 2 – The Philosophy

Hello!

If you recall from my last post about my lovely visit to Leavenworth, I mentioned that I would be adding a dash of eating disorder/life philosophy for spice…but the post ended up being longer than I thought it would be…aaaaaaand I had some homework to do, so I decided to make it a two-parter.  And here’s part two!  So sit back, relax, and read on! 🙂

Eating Disorders are nasty things.  Anorexia used to have this way of making me feel great about myself for a bit, only to knock me down flat on my face moments later.  Now, it’s more subtle.  Perhaps it morphs with time.  Perhaps it’s part of healing.  But let’s not over analyze the facts 🙂

So here’s the deal:

As you’ve already gathered, I had a simply beautiful time in Leavenworth.  I ate food that sounded good to me.  I wandered around fairly aimlessly.  I didn’t  get a “workout” that day.  And did I mention I ate what sounded good?  Go back to my last post and refresh your memory…none of what I ate could really fall into the category of “bad”.  Rather, it could be categorized as “nourishing” and “fun” and “DELICIOUS”!!!!!!!  And I kept those things at the forefront of my mind for a time.  But then other thoughts started vying for my attention.

So here’s what happened:

After dinner, we bundled into the van to make our way back home.  I felt cozy and warm, and my tummy was fairly full.  I sat back and closed my eyes, letting the beautiful choral Christmas music float over me.  And then the attack began.

“Ugghhh, you shouldn’t have eaten that.” 

“Why didn’t you just share dessert with someone?”

“You better be careful what you eat tomorrow.”

And other such things.

The good news is, I successfully quieted that nasty voice.  Yes, I still had a wee bit of trouble, but for the most part, I put it from my  mind and tried to think about other things…and how much I enjoyed the food today!  It felt like a see-saw.  One moment, my mind frantically raced through what I’d eaten, berating me for making “bad” choices…the next moment, the memories of enjoyment overrode the negative thoughts.  The next morning, however, proved a bit more challenging.  I felt like I needed to be SUPER careful about what I ate, and I SO wanted to go for a long walk.  I carried on with my day, eating as best as I could, and anticipating a walk in the afternoon.  But an idea which had been proposed to me a few weeks ago came to mind – could I go for a walk and focus on something other than the exercise-calorie-buring part of the walk?  Yes.  Yes I could.  So I grabbed my camera and headed out the door.  Inspired by the beautiful tree outside my apartment, the purpose of this walk became finding beautiful and autumnal things around me.

Here’s what I found:

Beautiful trees outside my apartment.

Lovely red leaves.

A unique tree.

A pretty bush with ivy ground covering at a bus stop.

I noticed the beauty of this path way.

I walk it at least twice every day, but I’m always in such a hurry that I forget to pay attention.  Look at it.  What do you notice?  I notice that it’s somewhat messy, but there’s direction.  I also notice that there’s a curve, and while you can’t quite see what’s beyond the curve, you’ve experience enough of the path already to know that it’s going to go on.

Sound a bit like life, eh? 🙂

I saw a bright green lawn, sprinkled with crimson leaves.

This is just outside my apartment, right below the trees in the first picture.  As I came around the corner to this little spot, I noticed how the leaves were perfectly yet randomly spread around.  Then I noticed the amazing contrast of the bright red and green.

Amazing.

So I would say my walk-not-to-just-walk shall be counted a success!  Yes, my body felt like I had been for a walk.  Yes, mentally I felt better, having gone for the walk.  But I focused on something other than the walk; something other than how many calories I may have burned.  I focused on God’s beautiful handiwork!!  And how fitting that the song that just came up on Pandora says “Forever my heart will sing of how great You are,” and then “All glory, honor, power, be Yours, Amen.”  And to think I almost skipped the song…man, God is good!

Have a listen 🙂

Thank you so much for reading!  Enjoy your weekend, and check back soon for a recipe!

Beth

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4 thoughts on “Part 2 – The Philosophy

  1. You used “autumnal”!
    And this idea for your walk is quite brilliant. What a great way to still satisfy your strong desire for a walk but not make it about what your mind wanted you to make it about.
    That sure sounds like taking control to me!

  2. I love your intentionality in identifying the disturbing little voice inside… It’s crazy the damage that kind of nonsense can do! Thanks for being an inspiring example of openness and introspection. 🙂

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